Anticipatory Grief
Guest post by Heather C. of CoveWell Counselling
Anticipatory grief occurs before a loss. The term is often used in the context of death but can encompass the impending loss of things not related to death. It is common among caregivers and those cared for, often occurring simultaneously. Symptoms can include rehearsal of the death, intense preoccupation with the dying person, anxiety, loneliness and isolation, guilt, fear, irritability, anger, and loss of control of one's emotions.
With conventional grief, the emotions you experience are the direct consequence of a loss. Anticipatory grief is the grief you experience, much of which is conceptual and can change over time.
Ambiguous loss involves circumstances that lack a clear conclusion or closure. It’s worthwhile to note that, in some cases, ambiguous loss can overlap with anticipatory grief. Ambiguous loss happens when there’s a lack of psychological presence while someone is physically there. This might refer to people who are emotionally unavailable or cognitively gone. Anticipatory grief can even turn into ambiguous loss.
Community & Connection
As you and your loved one navigate the winding pathways of healthcare changes, it is important to remember to care for yourself. Check in with yourself. Sit with yourself, listen to your needs, and access ways to support your needs.
Anticipatory grief is not well recognized - by both those experiencing it, our family and community, and even in the world of counselling. The feelings can be isolating. It’s important to reach out to counsellors and support organizations that understand what you are going through. Several organizations are listed below.
Your Grief Backpack
What feelings/emotions are you experiencing?
Worries
Hopes
Wishes
Fears
At the end of your busy days, you are encouraged to “take off your backpack” and release what you’ve been carrying.
Imagine ...
Tucking it on a shelf.
Putting it in a box.
Hanging it in the garage.
Placing it outside.
When you consistently use this practice, it will ease some of the heaviness you could be feeling and create a space containing all you have to navigate and carry each day, allowing you to breathe, pause, care for yourself, and just be.
Anticipatory Grief Care Plan
This is one thing I enjoy and plan to do by (date/time):
These are things I respect, admire and appreciate about myself:
The specific thing I will do to care for myself:
What have I done in the past that helped me cope with challenges (ex., journal, take a bath, walk in nature, call a friend)?
Who are my support systems/networks (ex. friendships, connections, communities)?
These are the people I can call when I need support (ex., spouse, trusted friends, relatives):
I will call ___________________ Phone # _________________
I will call ___________________ Phone # _________________
I will call ___________________ Phone # _________________
Sources + Resources
Support Services:
Books:
Oprah’s Picks: Books on Grief
When a Loved One Has Dementia by Eveline Helmink
Thank you for allowing me to be part of your healing journey. Please reach out to me for support at CoveWell Counselling .
Heather