A Short Guide to Supporting the Grieving
Guest post by Ngaio Davis, KORU Cremation | Burial | Ceremony
The New Year can be a difficult time for many people who are grieving the loss of a loved one. It can be hard to know how to best support someone in mourning—do you try to distract them from their feelings? Or do you try and find ways to talk to them about what they are going through?
There is no absolute right or wrong answer, but I’ve laid out some tips, resources, and even gift ideas below to help you support someone who is grieving.
Tips
Everyone will process grief differently and have different ways they want to be supported during this time. While this can make it hard to know exactly how to act, the most important thing you can do is reach out or show up for the bereaved when they need it.
Rather than asking if there’s anything you can do—these types of open-ended questions often add more to the mourning person’s mental load—it can be helpful to be more direct. For example, ask if you can bring something over. Keep it simple: suggest going for a walk, meeting at a park, going to a spa, or trying out a new food spot.
It is common for people who are grieving to isolate and stay indoors with their thoughts. Getting the person out in nature is an effective way to improve their mental health even just a bit, and avoid leaving them trapped inside ruminating.
While it can feel uncomfortable or too forward to talk about the person who’s passed, don’t be afraid to. It is important to be mindful of how to go about this topic, but sometimes people can feel like they don’t want to burden someone with their unprompted feelings. It can be helpful to bring up the deceased in a way that lets them know it’s okay for them to share their feelings of grief or a happy memory if they want to.
Resources
If you are looking for more ways to support a loved one who is mourning, you can take a look at our resources page.
You’ll find helpful links to:
Grief counsellors
Bereavement support groups
Help Texts
and more
Gift Ideas
One of the universal love languages is gift-giving, and it can be a great way to make the bereaved feel supported during a difficult time – especially if you are struggling to find the right words to show someone you care. Of course, it’s important to be mindful of the gift: it doesn’t have to be expensive; what matters is that it comes from the heart and shows that you care about the person receiving it.
For example, bringing someone a home-cooked meal or something to help them relax are both good options. Here are some other ideas:
Candles
A blanket
Tea
Curated playlist
Essential oils
A thoughtful note
Your time (doing things together—like going out into nature)
If it feels appropriate, you might also ask to see pictures of the deceased and reminisce with them about the positive memories they shared.