When you hit communication walls
If you’re already doing all that’s being suggested (see, Plan ahead for all healthcare appointments), but you are hitting a wall – or being denied care – strongly consider finding a healthcare advocate (a friend or a professional) to help you. Taking an educated witness with you to appointments is a very powerful tool.
Your advocate should meet certain criteria:
Someone who can attend all physician appointments with you.
The person you pick should be calm and cool under pressure able to help you sort your thoughts, coach you before and after appointments, but have the self-control to sit back and be as unobtrusive as possible during appointments (if your advocate is overly assertive, they may not be invited back).
Someone who has a basic understanding of the medical system, human anatomy and physiology.
A healthcare researcher to do some deep digging into your health concerns. Google searches are limited in depth, scope, and credibility. Consider going to a college or university medical library where librarians can help pull up entire medical articles.
Pick a support group… carefully. The group should be supportive and give sound, evidence-based valid advice.
Think about your half of the communication process
Honey works so much better than vinegar. Be kind, leave your anger and frustration at the door, and show your doctor and nurses that you know they are busy and you appreciate their time.
Write down what you need to accomplish in the appointment. If you are too upset to talk, hand the written list over to your doctor to read.
Bring someone with you who can be calm, cool and collected and have them take notes, and remind you of things you wanted to ask.
Be clinical about your feelings when you are describing them to your doctors. “I am very nervous about this; this scares me; I am worried,” and say those things as if you are outside your feeling self.
See if you can visualize a “logic switch” and turn it on just long enough to get through the appointment.
Perform positive self-talk immediately before the appointment: “I am calm and I am listening.”
Be “in the moment”: listen and don’t move onto your next thought or retort before the doctor is finished.
Be aware of your body language: sit up straight, arms softly at your sides, and look your doctor in the eyes.
Avoid, ‘but’. “That’s great BUT I’ve tried that before and it didn’t work.” It can mean you are not in full listening mode, and it can shut down the conversation.
Avoid applying an emotional context to the appointment: “He didn’t like me; She is so arrogant; He’d already made up his mind; She wasn’t taking me seriously.” Doctors are often in a rush, in a hurry, logical, and are trained not to show excessive concern and how they react to you often has nothing to do with you.
